Twisted Songs
by Bass Girl '89
Summary: This is a series if songs my friends and I had to sing in choir and have managed to twist quite seriously in some cases. The rating is for sexual referances etc. It used to be song fics, but this is the next best category, even thought these have absolute
1. A Bunch of Thyme

A/N. This is going to be a series of songs that my friends and I have had  
to sing in choir at school and have managed to twist, some more severely  
than others. I will include the original words for each song as well as our  
words Hope you find them as amusing as we do.  
  
A Bunch of Thyme (original)  
Come all you maidens young and fair,  
All you that are blooming in your prime;  
And always beware to keep your garden fair;  
Let no man steal away your thyme.  
For thyme, it is a precious thing,  
And thyme brings all things to my mind;  
Thyme with all its flavours, along with all its joys,  
Thyme brings all things to my mind.  
Once I had a bunch of thyme,  
I thought it never would decay;  
Then came a lusty sailor, who chanced to pass my way,  
And stole my bunch of thyme away.  
The sailor gave to me a rose,  
A rose that never would decay;  
He gave it to me that I might be reminded  
Of when he stole my thyme away  
Away.  
  
A Bunch of Thyme (our version)  
All year 7's with dresses above your calf muscles,  
All you that are blooming in your chest,  
Always sit with your legs crossed,  
And get regular bikini waxes so men don't jump you.  
Virginity is unique,  
Men find it tasty.  
Thyme brings sexy things my mind.  
Once I was a virgin.  
I thought I always would be.  
Then a horny sailor jumped me.  
The sailor dude knocked me up,  
And I'm living on the streets with a kid that wont die,  
But I wont forget that night. 


	2. The Stuttering Lovers

A/N. Here's the second instalment in our collection of twisted songs. I  
rather like this one.  
  
A wee bit over the lee, my lads,  
A wee bit over the green.  
The birds flew into the poor mans corn,  
'Twas feared they'd never be s-s-s-s-s-s-seen, my lads,  
'Twas feared they'd never be seen.  
La la la la la la la  
La la la la la la la.  
Then out came a bonnie wee lass,  
And O, she was so fair,  
And she went into the poor man's corn  
To see if the birds were th-th-th-th-th-th-there, my lads,  
To see if the birds were there.  
La la la la la la la  
La la la la la la la la.  
Then out came a brave young man,  
He was the fisherman's son;  
And he went into the poor man's corn  
To see where the lass had g-g-g-g-g-g-gone, my lads,  
To see where the lass had gone.  
La la la la la la la  
La la la la la la la la.  
He put his arm around her waist,  
Kissed her cheek and chin,  
Then out spoke the bonnie wee lass,  
"I fear it is a s-s-s-s-s-s-sin, my lads,  
I fear it is a sin".  
He kissed her once, he kissed her twice,  
He kissed her ten times o'er,  
'Twas fine to be kissing a bonnie wee lass  
Who'd never been kissed be-f-f-f-f-f-f-fore, my lads,  
Who'd never been kissed before.  
Then out came the poor old man,  
And he was tattered and torn.  
"Faith if that's the you're minding the corn,  
I'll mind it myself in the m-m-m-m-m-m-morn, my lads,  
I'll mind it myself in the morn.  
La la la la la la la  
La la la la la la la  
La la la la la la la.  
  
M-m-m-morn!  
  
The Stuttering Lovers (our version)  
A wee bit over the lea, my lads,  
A wee bit over the green,  
The birds flew into the poor man's corn,  
'Twas feared they'd never be s-s-s-s-s-s-seen, my lads,  
'Twas feared they'd never be seen.  
La la la la la la la  
La la la la la la la.  
Then out came a pretty chick,  
And O, she was wearing too much makeup,  
And she went into the poor mans corn  
To see if the brothel was th-th-th-th-th-th-th-there, my lads,  
To see if the brothel was there.  
La la la la la la la  
La la la la la la la la  
Then out came a brave young man,  
He was the fisherman's son,  
And he went into the poor man's corn  
To see where the chick had g-g-g-g-g-g-gone, my lads,  
To see where the chick had gone.  
La la la la la la la  
La la la la la la la la  
He put his arm around her waist,  
He kissed her cheek and much lower,  
Then out spoke the pretty chick,  
"I fear it is a s-s-s-s-s-s-sin my lads,  
But it's to late for that."  
He screwed* her once, he screwed her twice,  
He screwed her ten times o'er,  
'Twas fine to be screwing a pretty chick  
Who'd never been screwed be-f-f-f-f-f-f-fore, my lads,  
Who'd never been screwed before.  
Then out came the poor old man,  
And he was watching porn**,  
"Faith, if that's the way you're watching the porn,  
I'll watch it my self in the m-m-m-m-m-m-morn, my lads,  
I'll watch it my self in the morn."  
La la la la la la la  
La la la la la la la  
La la la la la la la  
P-p-p-porn!  
  
*You can substitute 'did' for screwed  
**You can also say "And he was screwing the corn" but you then have to  
change the rest of the verse accordingly 


	3. The Lord Is My Light

A/N. Here's the third instalment in our collection of twisted songs. I  
don't recommend that all you highly religious types read this one.  
PS. It may look short, but you just repeat this one short verse three or  
four times.  
PPS. We changed the title as well. The original didn't really work.  
  
The Lord Is My Light (original)  
The Lord is my light,  
My hope, my salvation;  
In him I trust, in him I trust.  
There is one thing I ask of the Lord:  
For this I long,  
To live in his house all the days of my life;  
To savour the sweetness,  
The sweetness of the Lord;  
To behold his temple;  
For this I long.  
The Lord is my light,  
My hope, my salvation;  
In him I trust,  
In him I trust.  
  
The Lord Is My Light (our version)  
The Devil Is My Death  
The Devil is my death,  
My loss, my destruction;  
In him I despair, in him I despair.  
There is one thing I ask of the Devil:  
For this I long,  
To die in his cave at the end of my life;  
To drown in the stench,  
The stench of the Devil;  
To behold his cave;  
For this I long.  
The Devil is my death,  
My loss, my destruction;  
In him I despair,  
In him I despair. 


End file.
